From can to can't
by CrazyGohanGurl
Summary: ONE SHOT FIC! Videl and her unborn child die. With both wife and daughter dead, Gohan struggles to accept their death. With Videl constantly haunting his memory, will Gohan continue on with his life, or let the haunting memories get the best of him.


ONE SHOT!

I heard this song on the radio, and instantly fell in love with it. The song is called "From Can to Can't" by Sound City. Give it a listen; it's pretty epic!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, nor do I own the song.

He said I love you, be careful, and tonight he'll cook dinner and not burn down the house this time. She smiled at him, kissed him on the cheek, and told him not to spray cooking spray on the burners. They hugged, he placed his hand on her swollen belly, and smiled as he said two more months. With one more kiss on the lips, she walked out the door.

Now he was here, alone in a room, staring at the two figures with a white cloths over their bodies. They were on a table, lying side by side, one body longer while the other was small. They said there was an accident, they couldn't save the mother, they tried to save the baby, but there was too much damage. Both mother and child lost their lives. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, but he stood there frozen like their bodies.

_Under the water,  
It's cold and it's grey.  
My torrid autumn,  
Another season decays._

"Do you need more time," a nurse dressed in white asked. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. She offered a smile.

"No," he said lowering his head to the ground. His knees felt weak, his breath was short, and his heart was shattered into pieces. Her smile flashed through his mind, and he watched as her smiled faded into dark. Lifting up his head he looked over to the smaller figure on the table. With shaky legs he walked over.

With a trembling hand, he curved it to cup the younger body's face. It was so small in his big hand. Tears made their way down his face and fell on the white blanket. His other hand reached over to the other larger body, and found a hand. Even through the white sheet he could feel nothing but ice in his hand. A whimper escaped his lips as he hunched over the bodies. He clasped onto the cold hand, and put his forehead on the smaller figure.

Tears falling, body shaking, Son Gohan cried out at the loss of his wife and child.

_Open up the Hollow,  
And my walls come down.  
__**  
Vroooom.**_

_**Vroooom.**_

_**Vroooom.**_

_Vroo-_

"Hello?"

"So you finally decided to pick up the phone? Why didn't you answer the last three times I called?"

Gohan mumbled in reply. Sometimes his mother could be a nuisance at…Gohan looked at his watch…two in the afternoon. Lifting his head up from the kitchen table, Gohan tried to recall where he was. On his right was a bottle of sake. To his left was an empty cup. Remember that it was bad to waste food and drink, Gohan took the bottle to his lips and swallowed the drink. He lowered the bottle and swirled it.

"I was busy," Gohan said trying to rub his eye. His glasses got in the way, and instead of taking them off like a normal person, he grabbed them and threw them across the room. "Just doing last minute…work stuff."

_I tell you it's a problem,  
Just when no one's around._

"There are a lot more important things that work right now," Chi-Chi said. Gohan put the bottle of sake down. "The flowers will be arriving tomorrow at eight in the morning. We need to take them to the funeral home when they arrive. Service starts at eleven, ends at one, and we are going to have a lot of people over the house. I am going to need help setting up. I have to make room for the food, make sure there are enough seats for people, and most importantly I want to make sure you're okay. I know the past two days have been extremely difficult, but you can't lock your father and I out. We live right next door!"

Gohan looked at the adjacent wall.

_But then,_

_I know what's wrong,  
God, you complicated everything._

"I know," he said as he yawned. "I'll try to be over later today to help clean. There's just a lot of paperwork that needs to be filled out and mailed."

"How about I come over and-"

Gohan closed his cell phone, and tossed it behind his back. He let his fingers flow through his unruly hair, and stared at the chair across from him. The bottle met his lips once again, and he finished the contents that were left behind. Gohan wore the same clothes since the accident. His blue suit was wrinkled, stained with booze and blood. His tie was on the ground underneath the kitchen table. Once he got home he sat at the kitchen table, and stayed there for days.

"I guess I could shower," Gohan said as he got up from the chair.

Stumbling up the stairs, Gohan managed to pull himself using the railing to reach the top floor. The wall guided him passed the guest room, passed the nursery, and into his bedroom. He could smell lavender once he entered the room. Videl used to spray a bottle of lavender on the bed. She always said that the smell would help them sleep. Even though he always woke up smelling like flowers, it did help him sleep.

Dragging his body away from the wall, Gohan swayed his way over to the bed. It was neatly made, the sheets tucked underneath the mattress, and the pillows standing upright. Gohan allowed himself to collapse on the bed. He landed on his stomach, and inhaled the weak scent of lavender. His hand roamed across the bed before he went to his side. He closed his eyes, hoping this was a nightmare, and when he would open them Videl would be in bed lying next to him.

Gohan opened his eyes, and Videl wasn't lying next to him. Tears fell down his cheek as he pretend she was there, smiling at him, and brushing her fingers against his cheeks. He placed his hand on his cheek, hoping the image his mind created was real. Once he felt his own wet cheek, he dug his nails into his skin, and scratched his face.

The pain was real.

The tears were real.

Videl was dead.

_I know you're gone, gone, gone,  
This is where I will draw a line._

"Tragedy struck everyone in the room today. Not only did we lose a Satan City hero, but we also lost a friend, a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mother. Not only did we lose Videl, but we also lost a child who hasn't had a chance to spread her wings. I want to thank you all for coming here today to say goodbye to Videl and her daughter…Pan."

Gohan wrinkled his nose as he sat in the front row next to his mother and father. It was one of the worst things he had to do in the hospital. He had to name his dead daughter.

"Videl used to come to this church when she was a little girl. She used to play an angel in our play, and she used to stomp her feet because she didn't want to be an angel, she wanted to be one of the three wise men." A few giggles and laughs echoed in the church. "I tried telling Videl that the three wise men had to be boys, and she didn't like that answer. During our Christmas Eve play Videl walked down the isle, and instead of standing next to a pew like she was supposed to, she walked up next to the three wise men and stood there the entire play. She even made up her own lines, and demanded one of the sheep to stand beside her. The young boy who played the sheep cried the entire time as he sat next to Videl."

Gohan couldn't help but smile a little. She was quite stubborn as an adult, and it all started as a child. If Pan grew up would she be stubborn like her mother, or easy going like himself? The smile that appeared on his face disappeared. Both his hands rested on his lap. His mother placed her hand on top of his and gave a gentle squeeze. Gohan bit the bottom of his lip as he grasped onto his black pants.

"And now Mr. Satan would like to say a few words." The priest took a step back as Hercule approached the stand. Gohan lifted up his head and saw the hero of Satan City broken into pieces.

_Burning my cathedrals',  
Cause I don't pray anymore._

Videl's mother left Hercule years ago. She did not enjoy the fame, the fortune, and walked out without a word of goodbye. Hercule was a liar, a fraud, but he was a great father. He was always by Videl's side. Granted, Hercule was very over protective but he loved Videl more than anything else in the world.

"Thank you all for coming," Hercule said. He looked over at the casket that stood beside him. The casket was opened, and Videl, with Pan, rested there together. Videl was dressed in a white robe, her short hair laid still with a white cloth wrapped around her forehead. Videl was holding Pan, who wore a white dress, both looking peaceful in their permanent sleep.

Videl was driving for a check up. She was at a stop light, and when her light turned green she went. A tractor trailer ran the red light, and hit the driver side of the car. An opposing car on the other side was hit as well, and Videl was sandwiched between the two. She was unconscious, bleeding from her head, and a pool of blood formed underneath her.

It took a while for the fire department to get her out of her car. When they finally pulled out she was dead, and tried desperately to revive her in the ambulance. It was too late, but there was hope for the child. Videl was quickly rushed into surgery for an emergency cesarean. There was no heartbeat from the child, but the doctors didn't want to give up hope. Once the child was out, doctors put her on oxygen, did CPR, but a pulse was never there.

Everyone in the operating room cried. Hercule was called first. Devastated, he called Gohan to tell him the horrible news. Dropping a frying pan onto the ground, Gohan took off into the skies towards the hospital. Once he got there the doctor told him what happened, and the news that his wife and child did not make it. Gohan was brought into the morgue where his wife and daughter laid.

"Videl was always strong," Hercule said keeping his eyes one the casket. "I don't know how she did it. It's really hard knowing things will be okay later in life when it's not okay now. I want my baby girl back, and I want to watch my granddaughter grow! Videl…how do you stay so strong when things fall apart? Please speak to me baby girl!"

Hercule was just as heartbroken. His wife left him, his daughter died. Gohan was more like Hercule now. _His_ wife left him, _his_ daughter died. When he goes up to the stand will he break down like Hercule? Would he tell Videl to wake up?

He could taste blood from his lip. Chi-Chi wrapped her arms around Gohan, and gave him a shoulder for him to cry on. Gohan didn't want to be like Hercule.

He didn't want to be alone.

The wall seemed to be the greatest comfort for the half saiyan. People would stop by and see him, give their condolences, and sadly walk away. Gohan's only friend right now was the beer in his hands. He looked amongst his friends and family, and felt himself getting angry. His parents wanted to have a small party to remember the life of Videl. The only thing Gohan saw were laughter and smiles. Krillin was talking with Yamcha, sharing a story of searching for the dragonballs. 18 and Marron were next to him, smiling.

_Look at all of these people, Tragic little people,  
They smile and then they don't know what for._

Gohan didn't have a wife, or a daughter, to share his stories with. He couldn't smile with his wife, or daughter, because they were dead! Glancing over at Hercule, Gohan noticed he putting up an act. Hercule was telling everyone about his new gym that was opening in three weeks. The story was a distraction. No one cared about the weight room, what kind of gym equipment was going to be there, and classes he was going to teach once a week. Hercule kept going on and on about the gym, but no one interrupted him.

Goku stood next to Gohan.

"Chi-Chi made macaroni and cheese," he said. A distraction worked for Hercule, so it could work for Gohan as well, right?

"She didn't add too much pepper in it like last time," Gohan asked. He noticed Vegeta with Bulma on his lap. Vegeta's hand was resting on her stomach. They too were expecting a child.

"You should eat something."

"I'm not that hungry."

Bulma turned to Vegeta. The prince full of pride rested his head on her shoulder. His hand never left the stomach carrying his child. Why does Vegeta get to have the happy family? He's done a lot of evil stuff…he's even killed innocent lives! Gohan saved lives, saved the planet, and what's his reward? He loses his wife and child!

_But then,_

_I know what's wrong,  
God, you complicated everything.  
I know you're gone, gone, gone,  
This is where I will blur my line._

Gohan crushed the cup in his hand. He was surrounded with families, happy families with happy children, and he wanted no part of it anymore. This place was suffocating.

Throwing his cup on the ground, Gohan stormed away from Goku.

"Gohan," he yelled, but Gohan had already slammed the door behind him.

_I will blur my line._

With a slam of his own house door, Gohan entered his empty house. The first thing he walked to was his liquor cabinet. He grabbed the first bottle he saw and opened it. He swallowed down the contents, and wiped the remaining drips off of his lips. Gohan leaned up against his cabinet, eyes fixated on the floor.

After a few minutes of silence, Gohan took another sip of the bottle. No one was going to check on him. They were going to give him some time to himself, alone in his house, and tomorrow either his mother or father will see how he is doing. He's seen his share of deaths, but none of them hurt as badly as losing Videl and Pan. The dragonballs couldn't fix this. Of course, the one time Gohan wanted the dragonballs to work they couldn't. It wasn't within Shenron's power to bring back natural death. A car accident was considered natural death. Being burned to death by a fire was considered natural death. Having an alien destroy the whole entire planet and its beings was acceptable, and lives lost were wished back.

Life wasn't fair.

Gohan did everything, _everything_, right. He protected the planet from evil, raised his brother, took care of his mother, fell in love, and never hated anything or anyone. He took life as a lesson, and learned from his mistakes and others. There were time he would beat himself up, others as well, but he would make right for himself and others.

Here he was, alone in the empty house, with pictures of Videl surrounding him. Gohan grabbed the nearest picture closest to him. His mother had taken the picture during a gathering. Krillin was in the back being yelled at by Vegeta. His father's hand made a guest appearance from the top left corner. There in the middle was Videl and himself. He accidently ate one of Videl's egg rolls, the last egg roll, and she was mad.

_Our houses are haunted, Dark and deserted,  
They're made of my secrets and shame._

The picture showed himself, a teenager, holding a plate as a shield as Videl attempted to stab him with her chop sticks. At the time she had short hair, and he could see two pieces of her hair shaped like horns. This wasn't the first time he accidently ate something that wasn't his. Even now he hasn't learned his lesson, and punishment was much worse when Videl was pregnant.

'At least I won't get yelled at anymore,' Gohan thought, trying to think of ways to cheer himself up. He put the picture frame down.

Gohan looked around and noticed his entire house was filled with pictures. Some of them were his family, some of them were Videl's, and most of them were Videl and Gohan together. From posed to random shots, Gohan found himself surrounded in memories caught on film. One day he would have to take them all down, and wrap them in newspaper blankets.* His house would be bare, stripped naked of the memories he shared with his wife.

He would then be alone, drinking away his life.

_Baby I want it I know I'm not worth it,  
I can't even tell you my name._

It was then Gohan noticed how quiet it was. There was no music playing as he read his book, no smoke alarm when he cooked dinner. Videl wasn't sitting by the television watching a sad movie with a pile of tissues sitting next to her. She wouldn't be blowing her nose anymore, a quiet sniff, and calling to her husband to sit next to her because she was sad. No more preparing for a new addition to the family, and repainting the nursery because the colors were too bright, or too pink. The joking insults, and sarcasm, from Videl wondering how Gohan could defeat Cell one handed, but when it came to putting together a crib together it suddenly became a "challenge."

Videl was the first girl he liked. They learned a lot about each other when he taught her how to fly. During that time Gohan realized that he had feelings for her. It was a new experience, since he never had a crush before, and he started to get excited when Videl would come over. He was anxious, pacing around the house, and checking his watch for the time. When he heard her chopper in the distance he would dash out the door, and greet her with a smile. When she needed to return home, he could feel his chest ache. It was a weird feeling. He would see her in a few days, but it was sad seeing her go. Videl could see it in his face when she climbed into her vehicle. Eyes adverted to the ground, his thumbs tucked inside his orange sash, and his left foot brushing the tips of the grass.

On their last day of flying lessons, Gohan knew he wouldn't see Videl as often. There was school, Saiyaman, but they wouldn't have time together anymore. Before Videl stepped onto her chopper, she quickly ran over and gave Gohan a kiss on the cheek. Face red, blood boiling, butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, Son Gohan found himself on cloud nine. He lost his voice, his footing, and as he sat on the ground watching Videl take off into the air he couldn't stop smiling. He didn't know that the girl who kissed him on the cheek was going to be his wife one day.

Gohan looked at the photo sitting on his desk. He was dressed in a black suit, and Videl was next to him in her white wedding dress. It was one of the best days in his life. Gohan remembered how nervous he was, pacing around the room waiting for the preacher to tell him to stand at the end of the alter. Videl had yet to arrive, and Gohan began to worry. Goku tried his best to relax Gohan, but it was to no avail.

Gohan's mind was racing a mile a minute. Did she change her mind? Was there another man? Was there an accident? What if she hit her head, and had amnesia? Anyone could say that they were her husband, and she would believe them! Gohan found himself lying on the couch, a cold hand towel placed on his forehead, and his mother telling him that Videl would never leave him for another man, even if she had amnesia.

The preacher dropped by in his room, and said that Videl arrived. Due to the stress and excitement, once Gohan stood up ready to go, he had passed out on the ground.

Even now, Gohan's cheeks turned a small shade of pink.

Guests had to wait for the groom to regain conciseness, and Videl went into his room to make sure he was okay. She was even fanning him until he was ready to go.

The bottle met his lips once more. His fingers traced Videl's face as he walked away from the picture, knocking it over as he walked passed. His bed was calling him, but his mind was awake. With a broken heart Gohan decided to sleep in his bed. Yesterday he noticed the smell of lavender was fading. Soon it was going to fade away forever, just like Videl.

Before he reached the first step, Gohan saw the ultrasound on the wall of his daughter.

It's was Bulma's birthday party, and she threw a party. Bills, the God of Destruction, was there and wanted to destroy Earth. Goku needed to become a Super Saiyan God, but needed six pure hearted saiyans. It was then Videl said she was pregnant. Gohan was shocked, but he was more excited. Once Bills was taken care of, both soon-to-be parents headed home. As they laid in bed, Gohan put his head on Videl's stomach. They talked about names, moving the office downstairs to make a nursery, and wondering how what their child would be like.

Would they have Gohan's hair, Videl's eyes? Would they want to be a fighter? Both wanted the gender to be a surprise, but Gohan's curiosity got the best of him. Without Videl knowing, he asked the doctor what they would be having. The doctor suggested to paint the baby's room pink, and left it at that. Gohan was great at keeping secrets, but when it came to painting the baby's room Videl wanted girly colors.

Gohan agreed.

Videl called him out, in the middle of the painting store, on the fact that he went behind her back to know the gender of their baby. Gohan admitted on knowing, apologized, and when they returned home that night Gohan noticed that the clothes Videl bought the day before were dresses. Gohan showed her the dresses, one with a tutu, and Videl 'just guessed' the gender. Later, as they were watching TV, Videl admitted that she wanted to know, and asked the doctor.

Across from their room was the nursery, soft pink paint and new hardwood floor. He would have to walk by it everyday with no child sleeping in the crib, and sleep in the bed that his wife will no longer return to. The house he lived in wasn't alive with laughter and chatter. It was dark, silent, and empty.

Bottle clenched tightly in his hand, Gohan swung the bottle at the wall. Pieces of broken glass flew around, and the remaining drink splashed up against the wall. The picture of the ultrasound fell to the ground, and a few cracks appeared on the frame. A small piece of the frame fell out.

A few other picture frames met their maker as Gohan slammed them on the ground. The couch was the next victim as Gohan kicked the back of it. The couch was sent flying, hitting the television, and once they hit the wall the television sparked. Breaking a leg off a dinner room chair, Gohan started to hit anything in his way. The table was split in two, the bookshelves were beaten one by one, and to end the tierney Gohan shoved the chair leg into his computer.

_I know what's wrong,  
God, you complicated everything.  
I know you're wrong_

Shattered and broken like the bottle he swung up against the wall, Gohan knew there was no way he would ever recover. He was mad at the driver that killed them both, mad that he couldn't stop it, and mad at Videl for leaving him. Everyone he has ever loved has died. It felt like the world was telling him that he shouldn't love anyone, and if he did they would be taken away. Piccolo and his father have died, and even thought the dragonballs brought them back to life, Gohan didn't want to be as close as he was. When his father came back after seven years in the Otherworld, Gohan didn't want to get attached again. He loved him, he still loved him, but it hurt too much to have him gone.

All around him were pictures of he and Videl were destroyed. The memories they made together were broken into pieces. They were still taunting him, laughing in his face, showing him the wife he will never have anymore. Gohan ran upstairs and stopped in front of the nursery. Everything was in place for their daughter. The crib, the mobile, and stuff animals in the corner. Her white dresser was filled with infant clothes, diapers, and a changing table sat next to it. All the work, the preparation, was in vain.

Walking up to the crib, which took him hours to build, Gohan placed his hands on the railing. A small, stuffed pink bear, sat in the corner. It was going to look over his daughter when she slept. Gohan picked up the pink bear. He picked the bear out for his daughter, and knew that in just a two months she would be lying in the crib with the bear by her side. All the bear did now was sit in the crib where his daughter would never lay.

The bear was thrown against the wall.

With the railing in his hands, Gohan ripped it off and slammed it to the ground. He picked up the crib and threw it against the wall. Instantly, the crib broke into pieces. Gohan shot a ki blast to the dresser, and watched it explode. Clothes were on fire, the diapers were now ashes, and the stuffed animals in the cornered suffered through the explosion. Some were ripped into pieces, while others caught on the fiery debris in the room.

_God, you took it all away from me.  
I know you're gone, gone, gone,  
This is where I will cross my line._

Gohan headed towards his bedroom; he wasn't greeted with the smell of lavender.

It was gone.

Videl was gone.

Pan was gone.

Gohan cried out an fell on his knees. His hands were flat on his carpet as tears fell.

"Videl…Pan…come back to me!"

Gohan looked up at his ceiling, waiting for a light to bring them back. For the past few days he wished he would wake up. He kept convincing himself that it was a horrible nightmare. Every time he awoke he found himself at the kitchen table. Videl was no where to be found, and his nightmare was a reality.

"I did everything right," Gohan screamed as he pounded the ground. His glasses fell to the ground. "Why…why can't I be happy?! Why does everyone I care for leave me?! It would be better if I just died!"

A light bulb went off in his head. The tears stopped falling, and Gohan forced himself to stand up. If he died, he would be with Videl and, hopefully, Pan. He wouldn't have to live alone, he wouldn't be forced to see happy families with smiles on their face, and he wouldn't have to keep suffering from loss. Dying wasn't as easy when you have alien blood in your body. If he jumped in front of a train the train would crumble to pieces; stabbing would result in breaking the blade.

The house started to smell of smoke. He could hear distant voices of his friends and family. They would see the wreckage in the living room, and the small fire in the nursery. They would rush up to his room, shoot an energy blast for an escape, and-

Gohan lifted up his hand close to his face. An energy blast was a lot stronger, and a quicker way to destroy things. A Kamehameha wave defeated Cell, a Spirit Bomb destroyed Buu, and even a simple ki blast could destroy the strongest of mountains.

Could he really do this? Take his own life? Gohan has friends and family that cared deeply for him, and have been helping him the whole entire time. He will, one day, find someone, fall in love with them…but he didn't want to fall in love with someone else. He wanted Videl, and he wanted to be with her and their daughter. Every day he would wake up, and he would think of Videl while a thousand 'what-ifs' would preoccupy his mind. His heart ached for her, yearning for her touch, and even though he could hear someone running up the stairs, Gohan closed his eyes and placed his hand on his chest.

_I am crossing my line._

A blue ki blast shot through his chest, and Gohan started to fall backwards. He landed on his bed, and coughed up blood. His vision was getting fuzzy, and he was unable to breathe. There was a scream, his name probably, but his senses were fading as the warmth from his body slowly drained out of his body.

Everything around him went silent, and his vision faded to black. The scent of lavender surrounded Gohan as his heart said goodbye with its final beat.


End file.
